How to Free Yourself From Other People’s Opinions

"Don't waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You'll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they're saying, and what they're thinking, and what they're up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind." — Marcus Aurelius

Overview

Why do we care?
The problems
Reframing your brain
Review

Why do we care?

It's not your fault - Human beings evolved to be social creatures. For thousands of years, survival depended on belonging to a tribe. Being accepted meant safety, protection, and access to resources. Being rejected meant danger — sometimes death.
Evolutionary perspective - From an evolutionary standpoint, caring about others’ opinions was once logical. Your nervous system learned that approval equals safety and rejection equals risk. The problem is that your brain hasn’t updated for the modern world.
Self-Esteem and identity -Other people’s opinions become dangerous when they replace your own standards. When self-esteem is externally sourced, identity becomes unstable. Every reaction shifts how you see yourself.
Social media influence - Social media magnifies this instinct unnaturally. In the past, judgment or comparison came from a few familiar faces. Now it comes from hundreds even thousands — instantly, publicly, and permanently. Algorithms reward visibility, comparison, and reaction — not truth or context. This trains people to perform instead of live. We end up evaluating our own worth based on other people's highlights.

The problems

When you’re attached to what other people think of you, you won’t do anything truly meaningful.

You’ll avoid saying what you actually think.
You’ll avoid acting how you actually feel.
And over time, you stop being yourself.

But being yourself is the only truly useful thing one can do.

The moment you choose authenticity, you automatically violate someone’s expectations of you.
There is no version of being real that keeps everyone comfortable.

That means you must be willing to:

Be misunderstood
Be judged
Trigger negative reactions

If you’re attached to approval, you won’t take that risk.

And that’s how it happens:
You don’t become a prisoner to people —
you become a prisoner to their idea of you.

In The Courage to Be Disliked, Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi make this uncomfortable but necessary point:

"The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked"

Not sometimes.
Not eventually.
By design.

"Unless one is unconcerned by other people's judgements, has no fear of being disliked by other people, and pays the cost that one might never be recognized, one will never be able to follow through in one's own way of living. That is to say, one will not be able to be free."

Reframing your brain

Producing Value

If you’re creating something of value, other people’s ideas of you are irrelevant.
Meaning and joy come from the journey, not from external validation.
If your life ended tomorrow, the satisfaction should come from what you built and experienced, not what others think.

Ignore Opinions That Don’t Matter

Focus on advice and opinions from people you respect or look up to.
Ask yourself if the person who's opinion you are worried about has the same goals and standards as you.
Unhappy people want you to fail when you are carving your own path. They want confirmation that the path they are on is the "right" path.

Extreme People Get Extreme Results

Many have the same goals as you, but few do the same amount of work.
Extreme success demands enduring extreme hardships.
Most people won’t understand your journey and may even try to pull you back down.

Kill Other People’s Dreams of You

Others have expectations of you that are far below your potential.
To carve your own path, you sometimes must let go of their dreams for you.
Their comfort is not your goal; your growth is.

Success Demands Courage

Be okay with no one cheering for you in the middle of the struggle.
Most applause comes at the start or the finish — not when you most need it.
Be your own biggest cheerleader.

Be Comfortable Looking Foolish

Trying new things, taking risks, or breaking social norms makes you look stupid at times.
Accept it. Growth is messy. Innovation is messy. Freedom is messy.
If fear of looking foolish stops you, it’s proof you’re still under others’ opinions.

Review

At the end of the day, freeing yourself from other people’s opinions isn’t about arrogance or ignoring everyone. It’s about claiming control over your own life — choosing your values, following your path, and being willing to face discomfort, criticism, and even isolation. The journey will be hard, messy, and lonely at times, but it’s the only path to meaningful work, authentic relationships, and real freedom. Remember: the opinions that matter are your own, the applause you need comes from yourself, and the courage to be disliked is the gateway to becoming fully alive.

Sources and Inspiration

Meditations, Marcus Aurelius
The Courage to Be Disliked, Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi
Video: Stop caring what others think of you so much, Alex Hormozi
My own journaling and meditations on these issues.